A Tale of Two HighSeas Lovers
by Nermo
Summary: A silly Homestuck AU Smutfic starring Sailor!Jake English and Pirate!Dirk Strider.


Admiral Jake English sat pensively in the crow's nest of the S.S. Blue Booty and stared off into the deep red sun setting on the horizon, just as he did every other evening. For four lonely years, he had been aboard this ship with no companions or crew. They had all died only a week after the ship's launch in a tragic accident involving a horde of ravenous orcas. With no crew beside him, the admiral took the foolish choice of continuing his expedition alone. He never anticipated the crippling loneliness that would accompany him.

Many nights he lay in his quarters, dreaming of the beautiful island women (and some men) of his past. He imagined them slowly caressing his bulging biceps and grotesquely muscular buttocks. As they made feeble attempts at pleasuring him, he simply stood hands on hips and at-the-ready throughout the entirety of it. Just a glance from his emerald green eyes, hidden behind thick-rimmed spectacles, gave the islanders intense orgasms. As his lovers shook violently from their ecstasy, he simply reached up and stroked the ends of his full mustache and chuckled heartily at the display in front of him. It was just an average day in the life of Admiral Jake English. Alas, he had not met a single being who was capable of pleasuring him.

On this particular night, though, that would all change.

In the distance, English saw the outline of a small ship, and as it came closer, he noticed it had no national affiliation. "Damn pirates," he thought aloud as he prepared himself for battle. He grabbed his pistols from their holsters and waited for the enemy ship's arrival.

The ship eventually pulled up alongside the Blue Booty. It was horribly small, almost dingy-sized. The owner appeared from the ships bridge and laid a plank and strolled onto the S.S. and straight up to the admiral. His hair was a blonde mess, his eyes hidden behind a pair of eye patches. How this man could see where he was sailing or going was anyone's guess, really. He was mysterious, and carried a cutlass at his side.

"What business do you have here, pirate?" Jake sneered at the mysterious stranger.

"My name is Captain Dirk Strider, and I'm here to plunder your booty," replied the pirate with very little inflection to his voice.

"So be it," screamed the Admiral as he aimed his pistols, ready to shoot.

All of a sudden, however, just before he could shoot, Dirk stepped right in front of him, their faces a mere inch from each other. Jake dropped his pistols out of surprise and began to sweat nervously. He waited for the pirate to stab him and end it, but felt nothing. He looked down and noticed that Strider had not drawn his sword. Confused, he looked into, or attempted to look into, the pirate's eyes/ patches.

"What are you doing?" He asked in a shaking voice.

"I found the booty."

Suddenly, Dirk reached behind Jake and grabbed his enormous bum. He began massaging it, and in reply Jake began to breathe heavily. He had never felt anything like this in his life. What was going on with him?

"You like it when I do this?" Dirk asked smugly.

"N-no, you filthy scoundrel," replied Jake, blushing hard. "I-it's inappropriate."

"Don't lie to yourself captain," said the kinky pirate, squeezing the Admirals gluts even harder than before.

At this Jake let out a small yelp, followed by a throaty moan. In reply, Dirk ripped off English's navy-issued trousers with his inhuman strength, causing the officer to gasp.

"I see I've already raised your sails," Dirk smirked, grabbing Jake's member in one hand and fingering his poo hole with the other, "I thought you'd be compensating for something with such a big boat, but I was definitely wrong."

"How can you see anything with those eye patches on?" The flustered Jake asked between moans.

"You're right."

Strider stopped his ministrations and reached up to remove the patches. Beneath were too deep orange orbs, both noticeably full of lust at this point. Jake was taken hostage by their beauty, but noticed the absence of the pirate's strong, massive hands and soon began to beg for more.

And the pirate complied, spinning the dark haired seaman around and going down on his own knees. Bending his lover over, he began to lick his anus gently, as Jake let out powerful moans. "You seem to love it when I swab your poop deck, Mr. Admiral," he chuckled.

They continued this foreplay for several minutes until neither could hold out any longer. Jake twirled around to face his lover. He stared deep into Dirk's eyes as he pulled down the pirate's pants. He was met not with a penis, but rather a large golden rod that shined like the sun.

"W-what's this?"

"I…. have something to tell you…." Replied Dirk nervously. "I….. once in battle, my mast was cut off. To compensate after that terrible tragedy, I replaced it with this gold rod. But the fact remains, I can never feel pleasure again."

"If it makes you feel any better," Jake said as he began lightly sucking on the tip between words, "I've never been pleasured before until you came here."

And at that, the horny pirate could take no more. He forced Jake to spin around and quickly thrust his gold member into his throbbing bumhole. His lover shrieked in pain, and Dirk comforted him with soft coos and kisses along the neck, while still thrusting in and out. After a short while and for the first time in his life, waves of pleasure began to rush through Jake's body. He couldn't help but moan loudly and press his butt harder against Dirk. He lost all ability to think and for just a short while, did nothing but feel. And what a glorious feeling it was.

Dirk reached down and began to stroke Jake's schlong in rhythm to his thrusts. This was just too much for the sailor, and for the first time of his life, he came, and he came hard. He let out an intense moan as his seed spilled all over the deck.

"YAR SHE BLOWS!" Dirk exclaimed excitedly.

Exhausted, the two lovers separated and Jake fell to the ground panting. Dirk, however, simply stood up and pulled his pants and eye patches back on and began to walk back to his ship.

"Wait!" Jake yelled.

Dirk turned around and raised his brows at the messy-looking, sex-haired Admiral. He walked over to him, got down on all fours, lifted his chin and kissed his mustache tenderly.

"So long, sailor," said the pirate; and with that he walked back to his ship and sailed off into the dark night.

With tears in his eyes, Jake watched Dirk sail away, and whispered softly, "So long, you filthy pirate bastard."

After that night, Jake continued with his usual evening routine. However, now as he looked into the sunset, he wasn't looking for land. He was only hoping to see his lover again.


End file.
